When the Church isn’t Enough

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s tempting for us as Christian parents to lean heavily on the church for the spiritual instruction of our children. After all, churches have trained leaders, engaging programs, and a schedule built for it. Isn’t that what church is for?

Here’s the hard truth: it’s not enough.

The church is a vital ally—but it was never meant to be the primary discipler of our children. That calling has always belonged to us, the parents.

Let’s dive into why this matters more than ever—and how you can embrace your God-given role in shaping the next generation of faith.

Discipleship begins at home.

1. God Gave the Responsibility to Parents First

As God led the people of Israel out of Egypt and into the Promised land through the hand of Moses, he gave them his law. He instructed parents (then and now) to internalize His commandments on their heart and impress them onto their children.

God’s design is for parents to learn, grow, and follow God’s commands, engaging with and modeling for our children. We are the “lead learners”. That takes the pressure off! How do we do this? Read the following verses.

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

— Deuteronomy 6:6-7

As we do life, we talk about God’s word. God is so practical. As we drive our kids, wash the dishes, eat a meal, tuck kids in for bed, we incorporate God into all the aspects of our daily life. We grow as we go about our day.

This foundational passage makes it clear: the call to disciple our kids doesn’t belong first to the church. It belongs to us as parents. Faith is meant to be an integral part of our daily family life—woven into the ordinary rhythms of home. What a privilege. What a gift.

2. Time Investment: Church Gets 1%, You Have the 99%

Now let’s think about time. Let's suppose you go to church every week of the year. The stats show this is highly unlikely, but for the sake of the argument, let’s just assume you are there whenever the door are open.

Even if your child goes to church every week, that’s around 104 hours a year. If you go twice a week, we’ll even double that number.

Compare that with 8,000+ waking hours spent outside of church. That means your influence outweighs the church’s by a factor of nearly 80 to 1! Isn’t that incredible.

Now let’s think about school. If your kids are in a school setting, they spend 40 hours a week there, vs the 1 hour a week at church. Again, by a factor of 40-1, outside voices are speaking and shaping your kids’ thoughts and beliefs. And the messages and worldview are not neutral.

So, the real question isn’t whether your kids will be discipled. It’s who will disciple them. If you’re not doing it intentionally, something else will fill the void.

Oh! what a sacred call God has given to us Dads and Moms!

Faith is caught.

3. Faith Is Caught, Not Just Taught

Have you ever been tempted to instruct your kids to do as you say, but not as you do? I know I have. We rationalize that even if we don’t live by the same standard, we are teaching one that is right for our kids. Unfortunately, we parents don’t get a pass. If we want Christ followers in our home, we must be one, too.

Kids don’t just need to hear about Jesus—they need to see Him in action. They need to know his love and power are real. They need to see God’s spirit fill us and empower us to live wisely. They cannot see God, but they can see Him living in you. They see God  in you:

• When you pray with them.

• When you forgive them and ask for forgiveness.

• When you read Scripture and live it out in daily decisions.

Church can teach the message. But only you can model what a follower of Christ looks like in the context of real life. And your model is powerful.

4. Church Is a Partner, Not a Substitute

My daughter played soccer. Several times per week the coach would teach the team new drills and skills. Then she would come home and practice with her dad. This equipped her for game day.

Think of church like a coach—someone who equips and supports. But no athlete becomes great from coaching alone. They need to train at home.

That’s what discipleship looks like. The church coaches once or twice a week ideally amplifying what’s already happening at home. But when it’s the only place your kids hear about faith, the results are minimal.

5. The Enemy Doesn’t Wait for Sunday

Never underestimate the value of proximity. Parenthood is 24/7, 365. You see your kids daily, year in and year out. This places you in a unique position to know them better than anyone else. You are the one who navigates bedtime conversations. You hear the school drama as they jump into the car at pick up or consider friend challenges between bites at dinner.

Our kids navigate complicated cultural issues, and consequential choices. They need us as parents to help them approach these situations with a biblical lens. 

Culture doesn’t wait for the weekend to shape your kid’s beliefs and attitudes. And the messages it sends—about identity, success, morality, and truth—often oppose God’s Word.

That’s why daily spiritual input is essential. You’re not just raising children—you’re training spiritual warriors. We can help them stand firm as they face life’s challenges.

6. It Grows You Too

If this all sounds very daunting to you. Well, I guess parent is daunting. Often, we just don’t feel equipped for the complexities our kids face. But here’s something beautiful: when you disciple your children, your own faith deepens as you depend on God.

You start praying more. Reading more. Asking deeper questions. Seeking biblical answers. And when you fall short, your humility becomes a lesson in grace and growth. You learn and grow with them. You wrestle through tough issues together. It can be messy. But that’s OK. Your kids don’t need perfection—they need authenticity. You can do that.

7. You’re Shaping a Legacy

I love this part. Sometimes as moms we can miss the forest for the trees. Grocery lists, carpools, schedules, work, kids’ activities consume our days. But our role is so much more profound than uber driver or program director. We are legacy makers. Let that sink in and say it again. “I am a legacy maker.” Now that is a calling.

How do we shape a faith legacy in our family? Psalm 78 says,

“We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done.”

— Psalm 78:4

We shape our kids, who will one day shape their kids, when we remember together who God is and what He has done. He is working daily. Oh! that we have eyes to see and wisdom to share his wonderful deeds! When we do, we develop the faith legacy of our family. Now that’s big!

Legacy isn’t just about your kids. It’s about your grandkids—and generations to come. A parent who embraces spiritual leadership isn’t just raising a child. They’re laying the foundation for a godly legacy.

You are your child’s most influential spiritual leader. Learn together.

How to Start: Simple Steps That Matter

I hope you feel inspired by the greatness of the mission.  But a big vision can feel daunting unless we start with small actions. Consistency is key. Here are a few quick wins:

• Pray together every day—at bedtime, before meals, or before school.

• Read one verse at breakfast and talk about it.

• Ask good questions like, “What did you learn about God from this passage of Scripture?” or “What do you think Jesus would say about that?”

• Be vulnerable. Admit when you’re wrong. Model grace.

• Worship at home. Sing in the car. Play worship music while doing chores.

Final Thoughts: You’re the Torchbearer

Here’s the truth:

🕯 You are your child’s most influential spiritual leader.

Not the pastor. Not the Sunday school teacher. You.

The church is here to walk with you, cheer for you, and equip you. But your kids need more than an hour on Sunday. They need a lifetime of daily glimpses into a real, living, personal relationship with Jesus. That is you.

So instead of asking, “Why can’t church just teach my kids?” Inquire: “What kind of legacy am I building for my children’s faith?” You’ve been given the torch. Now pass it on—boldly, joyfully, and intentionally.

Want help getting started with family discipleship? Download our free “Family Prayer Guide”

Elizabeth Greene has invested over 25 years equipping families to pass the faith to the next generation and is the author of The Cornerstone Project, a Biblical worldview curriculum to help kids grow confident in the faith.

The Cornerstone Project, provides resources for parents to actively shape their children's spiritual growth. By making use of this curriculum, families can ensure that faith is not only passed down but also lived out in a meaningful and impactful way.

The Cornerstone Project mission is to equip families to build a strong Biblical foundation at home so children grow rooted in truth, confident in their faith, and ready to engage culture with the power of Christ.

Hi, I’m Elizabeth

A mom and Christian educator passionate about helping families build a biblical foundation that lasts. I created The Cornerstone Project to give parents tools to disciple their kids with confidence, truth, and grace. Here on the blog, I share encouragement practical tips, and real-life stories to support you as you lead your family in faith.

Categories:

• Christian Living
• Discipleship
• Family Life
• Parenting
• Worship